No matter how smart, rich, or successful you are in life, it is more important to use your heart rather than your wit. We all carry the most important weapon with us all the time – the words from our mouth. Words we say have so much power they have the ability to hurt others.
One of the panelists on Chinese TV show “Super Orator 3” (超级演说家3), lecturer and trainer Tim Le (乐嘉) had supposedly once scolded someone fiercely to the point of being overboard. One of the TV show contestants made a self-reflection and felt that she had once done the same.
In the video, she admitted to hurting the two men she loved the most – her father and her partner. It’s common for parents to want their daughters to marry the privileged “高富帅 [gao fu shuai]” – literally, tall, rich, handsome, but her partner didn’t fit the criteria. She was sad and angry at her father’s objection and so, their father-daughter relationship worsened.
The contestant said she was also guilty of saying the worst things to her lover/partner with things like “you are not even good enough for me” and used words that targeted his insecurities by highlighting he was a “second-hand item” since he was divorced before.
“Some words are not meant to be said,” was what her partner told her before he walked out of the door. She realised her ‘gift of the gab’ had been misused – it worked against her and destroyed her relationships, to the point of realising she might have caused domestic/verbal abuse potentially. She felt that she had not controlled her emotions well and said:
“No matter how angry or crazy you are at that moment, you can cry, make a fuss, yell, throw things around, take a deep breath to calm down, and use three seconds to re-consider. Let’s not speak words that we will regret for the rest of our lives. It just takes ONE slip of the tongue to cause enough hurt and regret for a lifetime.”
There are other times when we should definitely speak up – the intention is to help people, but being overly hurtful with words while doing that is crossing the line. We’ve all seen news about children committing suicide over a failed test, because they were afraid of disappointing their parents. We will not get a chance to apologise every time.
We don’t need to repeat the same mistakes that this contestant had made. Her powerful speech reminds us to be mindful of our words and actions, especially more during times of anger. A relationship is indeed like glass – the scars will always be visible even after though the wounds have healed.
“We should use our words to heal, not create more scars. We should use our words to encourage, and not put people down. We should use our words to help each other, to better ourselves – together.”
